SARCOMA! Cont’d.
Part three

THE VISIT.

It was not the huge success that I had aimed for. Definitely not. I was comforted by the fact that I had tried so hard and had endeavoured beyond my energies at the time to bring about a great outcome. I had failed, but it was not my fault.

A week or so later, Caroline came with me to see Doctor Porceddu, the oncologist. Very easy to talk to, he explained the situation. It was not so rosy a picture this time. These sarcomas tend to recur, and without further treatment, there was a sixty per cent chance of that happening. With radiation, it was reduced to forty per cent, or lower. Forty years ago, your arm would have been amputated by now, mid forearm...and he sliced my arm with his hand to demonstrate.

SARCOMA!
The story

It came as quite a shock. As it does. Knowing that there were cancerous cells in the pliable lump on my left forearm took a bit of digesting. Three times in the six months during which the lump had been evident I had asked professional advice as to what it was, and three times the reply concurred with my own opinion, that it was a ganglion, and that in time it would go, as a smaller swelling on my right arm had almost done. I had asked my son-in-law Scott for advice and he replied that a core biopsy would determine what it was.

THE COMFORTABLE OLD CARDIGAN

It’s happened again...someone trying to ram something down my neck, as if I am lesser somehow. I would not dream of inflicting another with my radical ideas, if indeed I had any.

What is it about me that enables and encourages these people to thrust their ideas onto me? Do they do it to everyone...or just me? I can stand it for a short while, being gracious, trying to see their point of view. But not to argue and debate fruitlessly, trying to make them see from another angle. I do not wish to change them. But they wish to change me.

I have been forced to do this twice in my life. Neither time was easy. Both episodes caused me much heart-ache. But in neither instance could I ask for family sympathy, because, as they said, I had asked for it!

The first time occurred when I was in my fifties. I was separated from my husband, and the man in question was married...unhappily, so he said. Although to this day, he is still with his wife. He was my art teacher.

I have a new respect for cabbage moths. I am intent on destroying them of course. And there are plenty of them in my garden right now. But I have been observing them more closely of late; taking more notice of their movements, their flight paths.

They seem to fly in pairs, assiduously. I presume they are mates. How nice! Yes, if the leader goes one way, the other will follow, over lawn and trees, high and low. Is it the male who leads...or the female?

THE REALISATION HAS HIT...

I am totally ashamed of him. Totally. To think he would behave as badly as this. He must think I am pretty stupid...or think that he is being very smart.

I can see now that he has been building a case against me. When I had the luncheon party for our dancing friends last week, he casually mentioned that I had given him until Christmas to find another place to live. I was quite stunned, as I had presumed that any such arrangement was between him and me. And I had not given him such an ultimatum anyhow.

TREASUED OLD SAYINGS

I found this collection of inspiring sayings that I had looked at often long ago...the paper was yellowed with age. You could see that all had been much loved.

What do I care for the wind and rain,
Or the clouds in the sullen, grey sky?
To me, ‘tis ever a fair, bright world,
Beloved, when you are nigh.
*

Do the good that’s nearest,
’Though it’s dull the whiles;
Helping, when you meet them
Lame dogs over stiles.
*

Help me to need no aid from men,
That I may help such men who need.
*

Beautiful hands are always found
Where the heaviest duties lie.